Congratulations — you’ve been invited to a bar mitzvah! But if you’ve never been to one, you may not know what to wear or bring. You could always ask whoever invited you, and that’s probably the best place to start if you don’t want to illustrate a lack of knowledge. 

In fact, knowing what you’re getting into can prepare you for the ceremony as well as the night of festivities, and when you’re prepared you’re sure to have a great time even if you’ve never attended a Jewish service in synagogue before.

That said, service length and the activities undertaken during a bar mitzvah ceremony are highly dependent on denomination and the congregation itself, as well as its leadership and their unique customs and traditions. For the big picture, you’ll want to reach out to your host. They’ll be able to tell you what you should expect and what you should bring, including any bar mitzvah ceremony clothes you’ll need or how to behave during the ceremony itself.

However, keep in mind that most bar mitzvah services will take place during Shabbat morning services at synagogue, or alternately on Friday night or Saturday afternoon. Following the ceremony, it’s also common for families to host private parties that further celebrate and mark the occasion.

General Expectations for a Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

Depending on your invitation, you could be invited to the bar mitzvah ceremony, the party, or both. If you’re expected to attend the bar mitzvah ceremony, it typically includes attending Shabbat service. Both family and guests are expected to arrive at the beginning when service starts, even though the specific bar mitzvah ceremony may not take place until the end of service. Many congregants may arrive later in the service, but if you don’t want to call attention to yourself it’s best to arrive early. 

As for what you should wear, bar mitzvah ceremony clothes are typically dressy. For men, slacks and a jacket with tie are ideal, or you can wear a suit if you’d prefer. For women, a dress or formal pantsuit is recommended, though be sure that you’re not wearing anything too revealing. Dresses should go below the knee and bare arms should be avoided, though it’s nothing that a cardigan or sweater couldn’t fix.

In more traditional communities, women may wear hats and may be discouraged from wearing pants, so be sure to plan accordingly.

Tallit and Kippah

The prayer shawl or tallit is a common sight at bar mitzvah ceremonies, and it’s also an important piece of bar mitzvah ceremony clothing. Traditionally worn by Jewish males, though some women in liberal congregations may wear one as well, the tallit has four braided fringes that remind wearers of the commandments of Judaism. As a non-observer, you won’t have to wear a tallit of your own, but you may be offered one at the door. Just decline it if that’s the case.

Another common piece of bar mitzvah ceremony clothing is the kippah, also called a yarmulke in Yiddish. It’s essentially a head covering worn by Jewish males (and some Jewish females in certain congregations) during the service and during other religious activities. But unlike the tallit, it’s not really a religious signifier. Like the requirement to remove a cap in church or remove shoes before entering a mosque, the kippah is a non-denominational sign of respect. In most instances, there will be a basket of kippahs at the entrance that you can take to wear during the ceremony, though you may even be given your own honorary kippah as a memento.

During the Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

During the bar mitzvah ceremony, you’ll also be expected to maintain sanctity, just as you’d do in a church or other place of worship. That means turning your cell phone off or setting it to vibrate before you enter. While it can be tempting to take pictures, don’t. Traditionally, the taking of pictures is forbidden on the Shabbat, and the family may want to have their own photographer to commemorate the occasion. If you’d like a picture taken, just ask.

While you’re on the synagogue grounds, please refrain from smoking both indoors and outside, and you’ll also want to avoid any writing activities, which are forbidden on the Shabbat. It’s a good idea to keep your mouth shut during services lest you inadvertently speak when you shouldn’t; you might see other guests speaking and chatting, but as a guest you won’t want to draw attention to yourself.

In addition to various activities, you may also witness a lot of sitting and standing. It depends on the prayers that are called, but if you feel up to it you can join in on the sitting and standing by taking your cues from those around you. The standing and sitting doesn’t denote any sort of religious activity, so don’t worry about inadvertently doing the wrong thing. Joining in is actually a sign of respect, but be careful not to engage in any bows — those are religious acts.

While you won’t have to worry about the proper bar mitzvah ceremony clothes during the ceremony — that’s mainly for the bar mitzvah boy and other religious leaders — you are encouraged to follow along in the prayerbook. There’s the siddur and the chumash, which stand for the prayerbook and the bible, respectively. Luckily, they’re commonly printed in both Hebrew and English so that you can follow along.

If you lose your place, just ask a neighbor for help. You won’t want to disrupt someone that’s in the middle of a prayer, but even regular congregants can lend you a helping hand if needed. During Torah service, everyone is encouraged to join in to read the Torah in English or Hebrew.

After the Bar Mitzvah Ceremony

After the bar mitzvah ceremony, clothes may change and things may take a decidedly stark turn. That’s because it’s time for the bar mitzvah party where everyone is invited to dance, sing and otherwise have a great time. You won’t want to experiment too much with your dress, but the bar mitzvah party is a decidedly more carefree time where you can mingle with other guests and enjoy yourself.

If you’ve been tasked with planning a bar mitzvah party, let the experts at Occasions4.us help out. With five fabulous venues throughout Southern Nevada (Las Vegas, North Las Vegas, and Henderson) and everything you need to throw that bar mitzvah party of a lifetime, we can help you do it seamlessly and easily. Request an event proposal to get started at Aliante Golf Club, Primm Golf Club, Spanish Trails Country Club, The Legacy Golf Club or Wildhorse Golf Club, or call us to discuss our various coming-of-age options.